I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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