Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
