I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
