My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
