i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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