the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
