id be glad to
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
