im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
