so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
