He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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