What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize