i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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