He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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