you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize