I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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