Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
