sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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