...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
