Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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