In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
