It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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