I just pynch a tree in the face
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
