I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
