My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
