When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
