I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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