No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize
