At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
