let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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