Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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