dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize