I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this just has baby written all over it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bring me that man meat
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
