Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
