his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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