It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
