I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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