i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
