dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
