I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
