Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
