to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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