He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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