I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
