As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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