in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude i'm inner monologue high
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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