it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
