id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
