I think I won the penis lottery.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
