there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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