the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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