Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
