Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
