I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so explain again why im purple
no
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
