her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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