It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
