ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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