Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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