can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
