3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize