So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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