Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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