I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
