She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My vagina is very pro this idea
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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