I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
