You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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