i don't like sucking hair
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
