S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
