Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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