i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
