Nicole vs. Life
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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