no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
