Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
be right there i have to get my cape
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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