Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
