I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
