i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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