I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
