I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
