i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
