I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The air was thick with penises
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
