you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
