$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
