I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
