Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
