The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were trust falling into bushes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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