Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
