my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
