i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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